A new study by health insurer Pronova BKK reveals a profound shift in parenting values among modern families. According to a survey of 2,000 parents with children under 16, responsibility, helpfulness, and politeness top the list of qualities parents want to teach, far surpassing traditional traits like ambition and obedience.
Alongside these values, “having fun” also ranks highly, highlighting how emotional connection and joy are becoming key parts of child-rearing. Family psychologist Nina Grimm explains the reasons behind this trend, highlighting the evolving social, economic, and emotional landscape shaping today’s approach to raising children.
The Pronova BKK study found that nearly half of parents (48%) prioritize teaching responsibility, while 47% emphasize helpfulness and politeness. Interestingly, “having fun” is important to over a third of parents, showing that joy and emotional closeness matter alongside social skills. In contrast, ambition was important to only 22%, success to 19%, and obedience has plummeted from two-thirds of parents teaching it in their own childhood to just 11% today.
“This shift shows that parents want their children to develop strong social skills and the ability to contribute positively to their communities, but also to enjoy childhood and family life,” says Nina Grimm. “In an increasingly complex and unpredictable world, these traits are seen as essential for children to thrive both personally and socially.”
While social qualities are the priority, “having fun” is important to over a third of parents surveyed. This highlights that emotional connection, joy, and shared positive experiences are essential parts of modern parenting.
Grimm explains this emphasis on fun as a reaction to the performance-oriented upbringing many parents themselves had. “Earlier generations often tied love and attention to achievement, which caused emotional pressure and perfectionism. Today’s parents want to create joyful, close relationships and let their kids enjoy childhood.”
Economic and societal changes have a big impact on what parents prioritize. The prosperity enjoyed by baby boomers and Generation X allowed for traditional markers of success like homeownership and stable careers. Today, rising living costs and job uncertainties make these goals harder to reach for many families.
“As external rewards for success diminish, parents focus more on personal fulfillment, social connection, and emotional well-being,” Grimm says. “Individualism grows, but so does the need for empathy, cooperation, and community, values that foster these bonds.”
Parenting styles in Germany are shifting away from authoritarian models emphasizing obedience, toward dialogic and empathetic approaches. Parents increasingly want to raise socially integrated, emotionally intelligent children rather than just high achievers.
“The rise of mental health awareness, diversity, and sustainability has made cooperation and empathy essential,” says Grimm. “Fun and play are integral to developing these qualities, alongside responsibility and kindness.”
The research also highlights a strong parental desire to be deeply involved in child-rearing. Many parents consciously choose to have children and want to compensate for past childhood shortcomings, such as absentee caregivers. Additionally, societal pressures for optimization often extend into parenting itself.
While close parental involvement fosters strong bonds and support, Grimm warns of the risk of overinvolvement. “When parents’ self-worth is closely tied to their child’s behavior, it can create pressure for both. Children may lose space for independent experiences, including spontaneous fun, and parents may become trapped in cycles of self-optimization.”
The changing parenting landscape signals a broader cultural reevaluation of what success means. Families are shifting from valuing external achievement and obedience to nurturing responsibility, kindness, social skills, and joyful experiences. These qualities are seen as essential for building resilient individuals and cohesive communities.
For society, this evolution offers hope for greater empathy and cooperation but also highlights the need for support systems addressing mental health and parental stress.
About the Study: The Pronova BKK survey, conducted in March 2025 with 2,000 parents aged 18 and older with children under 16, provides a nationally representative snapshot of current parenting values in Germany.
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